Being mindful of how grief applies to more than just the death of loved our ones is important. Losses in employment, due to illness, of relationships, all these can be accompanied by the often overwhelming experience of grief.
An interesting aspect that lies behind the behaviors of many of the adolescents we serve, especially in instances where anger is predominant, grief often needs a process for recognition and integration.
“But there is no one way to grieve. People who are grieving experience many different emotions in any number of combinations. They may include denial, sadness, anger, confusion, despair and even guilt. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, a drop in energy level, body aches and pain or the development or worsening of an illness.” See more at Shrink Rap
By Richard Reeve
“To recognize the real spiritual identity of other people in everyday contact… to allow them to be themselves, must be linked up with ones capacity to allow oneself to be oneself.” Milner, quoted in Ulanov, Spiritual Aspects of Clinical Work, pg. 52
The “work” must find the other exactly where they are, not where they are expected to be. The parable of the lost sheep is quite poignant in this regard. What is amazing, and has been demonstrated time and time again within our community, is that the commitment to find the other is not a guarantee of success. Often times months can go by without any noticeable progress. But patience, understanding, the ability to listen amidst disagreement, these all witness to the potential of finding the sought after turning point.
Turning points are the hallmark of the stories our students write while attending The Family Foundation School. In each of these transformative moments it is as if the student crosses a threshold into a new formulation of self.
At the turning point an existential like self awareness of being lost and in of need help, coupled with the empathy of another individual who shares in the discovery, be that another student, a member of their family or a staff member, opens up a new vista in an individual where life becomes not only related to the needs and demands of society, but also to a Higher Power.
The guidelines for ushering others to the possibility of a turning point are both broad and specific. We share our “experience, strength and hope.”
Wishing our entire community the serenity that is the fruit of surrender and the healthy-mindedness that can prosper amidst adversity.
A very Merry Christmas.
Ripples
