In an article by Carl Pickhardt, titled “Adolescence and the problem with problems” Dr Pickahrdt describes how problems, be their very nature, stem from an individual’s point of view and what one person may perceive as a problem another individual would think nothing of it. I find this article intriguing since it lends weight to how we can find ourselves in arguments; with most anyone; in a very short time, never mind our own children who we have a natural vested interest in.
I couple this article with an email I recently received from a young man who is recognizing that he is letting his anger get the better of him when it comes to talking with his parents. The young man found, and requested, and article from Jeff Brain titled “12 steps for Angry Teens” in searching for methods in helping him communicate with his parents.
When I initially read the young man’s email and his request for assistance, I had not read Dr Pickhardt’s article but I now cannot help but wonder how much of his situation is stemming from what Dr Pickhardt is describing. In essence his anger and arguments with his parents arise from different parties having different viewpoints on various topics. In some situations, depending on circumstances, we need to understand the viewpoints perceived may not even be correct/incorrect just different.
When entering into situations concerning problems both articles have some common themes in dealing with problems: 1) Do not let our own emotions get the better of us – it is often easy to get swept up in our own anger and focus only on the negatives of the situation instead of attempting to find a common goal and 2) Take responsibility for your own actions – identify what your point of view is, how you perceive things to be, and why you think your side is so important to have created this problem.
As Dr Pickhardt points out “…a problem is a judgment call, it is always a matter of choice – whether or not to take issue with some conduct, circumstance, or condition.” It is in how we take a stand with our judgment calls that cause the tension; it is not caused by the problem itself.
