By Sid Parham
In the Dark Ages that were the late 1950’s, I was sent to a boarding school. There, new students were subject to the demands of older students, held doors open for them, were subject to large group meetings run entirely by students about school culture and spirit, and if one was particularly recalcitrant one got a “tea party,” an individual meeting with a few senior students to point out errors and the cost of failing to comply. My compatriots who stayed at home faced similar kinds of hazing at our public high school. Both administrations turned a blind eye to these activities because everyone believed they create a cohesive cohort and school spirit.
Obviously times have changed and these practices no longer exist at those schools and have never existed at the Family Foundation School. The problem remains, “How are new students integrated into the school’s culture?” Quite by accident I witnessed a scene that showed how our culture works. I have just returned from a vacation. Before I left I was assigned to be the faculty mentor to the new student. I spoke with him briefly on the day of his arrival and so when I returned I sought him out.
I found that he had joined the cleaning crew his buddy was on and the he, his buddy, another senior student, and a staff member were cleaning the tutoring area. The two senior students had asked the new one to tell his story that led to the decision to send him to our school. When I arrived, he was telling of the first years of his life. He told his story as any sixteen year old boy would. We learned of his actions, the drugs he’d taken, his parents’ drug use, his grandmother’s rescuing him. But we learned nothing of his feelings or his hurts. All the time this story is punctuated by the staff member asking the boys to sweep here or put those boxes there. By the time we’d finished the story was told and the room was clean.
The process was completed by the responses of the senior students. One said, “I’ll have to tell you my story. My father is using again; it’s crazy.” The other, who comes from a more stable home environment said, “Your grandmother must really love you. She sounds like a good person.” In this short hour the new students experienced how the school works. We know the world will not stop because of our problems—rooms must be swept, food made, lessons completed. The school and AA believe that the group of individuals sharing their “experience, strength, and hope” provides real comfort and support, and that the acknowledgement of our errors helps us to see the good in others. In a small way the new student became an integral part of the school.
