Perfectionism is one of those traits that looks benign on the surface but has many destructive effects. Like depression. Constantly falling short of your own expectations is demoralizing and self damaging. “Depression loves a perfectionist!”
Or how about addiction? Perfectionists see everything in black and white with no grey in the middle. They’re either perfectly awful or perfectly wonderful. Nothing is more common in the addictive personality than this either-or, all-or-nothing thinking.
Many troubled teens here are in fact perfectionists. They might have been into drinking, drugs, or other compulsive behaviors before coming here, but after they arrive many do an about-face. From ignoring schoolwork to obsessing about it. From no program to the perfect program—even as they contemplate the program slogan, “progress, not perfection.” That’s a hard one to grasp if you’re a perfectionist.
What is needed for these students—and for all of us who agonize over being the perfect parent, the perfect spouse, the perfect anything—is a daily dose of acceptance. We need to find that balance. To admit and even embrace the grey areas in our lives, recognizing that it’s our triumphs and achievements together with our faults and failures that make us human. We need to acknowledge that nobody is perfect and be okay with that.
