By Jeff Brain
Really? I had not thought of it that way before. It’s no secret that The Family Foundation School and the principles for which we stand are “under attack”. In part by a youth rights advocacy group and in part by a handful of angry, resentful alumni – a minute percentage of the 3,000 young people we have served over the past 30 years. They do not know how to engage in a civil discourse but rather use slanderous and subversive tactics to intimidate. Yet, in the way that a bully gets noticed, these few alumni and their minions spread lies, and slander us on the internet. And in this way, represent a modern age organizational bully.
This was revealed to me this week by a wise, experienced and supportive colleague. She suggested that I reframe in my mind those who attack us as a bully. She reasoned that they are engaging in all of the same behaviors as a bully. In fact, it is likely that if we researched the history, we might find bullying as part of their childhood history.
In this new age of being heard on the internet, bullies have a new tool to try to hurt their victims. They sound convincing, hiding behind the anonymity of the internet – unable to see their faces, hear them speak and thus see them for who they are. Our children are at risk in the same way. There are news reports of kids spreading gossip and rumors about one another on-line. A recent workshop announcement titled “Cyberbullying” seeks to educate parents and educators on the dangers that lurk on line for their children and students – and how bullies are using the internet. “Bullying isn’t just in the hallways anymore — it occurs on cell phones, in chat rooms, and on the ‘Net”.
Dealing with bullies remains difficult. We do not consider ourselves victims. We believe in who we are and what we do. We are proud of that – and will stand up for our students and our parents – and they are standing up for us. We are also not afraid – we trust that as we are guided by God, and by our principles and best practices in the field, we remain an important therapeutic option for families. We are listening to our students, alumni and parents – who continue to support our mission.
It was helpful however for this colleague to reframe this in terms of bullying. We help our students learn how to deal with bullies – how to be confident in themselves and their abilities and how to find strength in positive relationships. My colleague said the following:
“They are not going to impact our programs if we truly are doing what comes from our heart. They can target anyone they want, and as long as they get attention, they will continue to do so. You do not need to fight for a good reputation when you already have one. Fighting takes a lot of negative energy and time and wastes your mission at FFS. However, this is exactly what they want you to do. Most parents I have encountered who have found these negative websites have called and asked about it. When they trust in the person who is assisting them, that is more powerful that some radical negative comment on a website. It is not difficult to represent your client when you stand in integrity. So, what can be done? you ask. Every time you go to their site, they know, and every time you mention them, someone will go to their site, even if out of curiosity, and that gives them more of what they want. Not every student in every program is going to leave happy. There is just too much tied to each child, family, situation, that you have no control over, and is not your responsibility. So the unhappy people twist their beliefs to feel better. Again, human nature. Jeff, you cannot fight human nature. What to do? Nothing. I have a much more important aspect to my life and practice than to give these people any attention at all.”
My colleague is correct – let’s re-focus our energy on our mission of helping teens and their families. Let’s not give the bully the fight he craves – for his motives are only to harm and come from a place of pain and hurt within himself. For this reason however, I will continue to pray for our bullies.
February 12, 2010
in Smear
Brian Lombrowski, president of CAFETY, revealed the duplicitous nature of his organization when he mailed a letter to thousands of residents in our area last fall. Agree or disagree with the mission to expand youth rights, we will always recognize the validity of organizations to champion causes. This action of waging a smear campaign against those who do not completely agree with them is wrong and outside the activities permissible under the non-profit laws.
The smear letter CAFETY sent claimed The Family Foundation School is under federal investigation. This is untrue. This intentional attempt to create a negative image of FFS within our community based on a fabrication is an act that each member of the board of directors of CAFETY is personally accountable for based on their non-profit status and the laws that govern CAFETY’s activities.
The letter then crafted snippets of “testimonies” Lombrowski has collected that highlighted FFS staff members by name in an unfavorable light. The effect of such actions is notable and more than a little bit ironic. Staff members received death threats citing the letter. The actions of an organization committed to the ethical treatment of youth also led to the children of these staff members becoming targets of ridicule in their own public school classrooms.
Another tangential question gets raised and this relates to CAFETY’s active pursuit of gathering testimonies from program participants. Does such an activity further the mission of the organization or is it driven by the need to find more ammunition for the smear campaign? True to their mission they have been supporting legislation in Washington. While CAFETY is clearly becoming impatient with politics in Washington, we are noticing CAFETY’s mission creep. They are now taking it upon themselves to declare war on programs that they have publicly listed. This is more than questionable from a non-profit governance angle. The government does not allow for tax deductible donations to be used to incite death threats, to republish slanderous accusations, or to commit acts of defamation.
Brian Lombrowski closed his letter, a duplicate of the ad he ran the year before in our local newspaper, asking people to contact him. Notably, some four months later, while still celebrating on Wikipedia their action of mailing these letters, CAFETY has not been able to share the results of generating any public feedback they supposedly were seeking. The silence on their part regarding lack of evidence is telling, but to admit to that does not fit their agenda.
Non-profit organizations are granted the ability to solicit tax-deductible donations for the furthering of their stated missions. The legal counsel guiding CAFETY will recognize the legitimacy of the concerns raised here and well as the vulnerability of the board members and their personal assets as the result of such actions. The concern extends also to Mr. Lombrowski’s actions contacting professionals in our field and making the claim that The Family Foundation School is beyond help. An amazing claim from someone who has never visited, indeed declined the invitation to visit, the very program he is condemning.
It was an interesting thing to have been the first organization to call out CAFETY on their questionable activities. While visiting with colleagues last week at a conference we received overwhelming support. Even more notable we received grateful feedback from the other programs that are being treated in similar ways by CAFETY.
February 9, 2010
in Smear
Dear Rita,
Thanks for addressing the many lies and distortions being propagated by the alleged Truth campaign.
It is common knowledge that the campaign was started by a family member of mine who disagreed with my parental decision to enroll my daughters at the Family School. This family member has no children of her own, and maintained at best a superficial relationship with my children. She is estranged from her siblings and parents, who are all supportive of my decision to provide my daughters with the best help I could find. I can only describe my sibling’s behavior in pursuing and funding this campaign as disturbed and out of touch with reality. It is indeed unfortunate, both for the sibling and the apparently troubled individuals who choose to follow her lead.
The Family School helped my daughters turn their lives around and rebuild relationships between them and with me. They successfully transitioned from the school in June 2009 – one to a top-notch college and other to a top-notch prep school.
With my parents, friends, and partner, I spent perhaps hundreds of hours at the Family School during the 18 month period my daughters were enrolled there. I attended countless table topics, many sports events, choral performances, picnics -in short, with two daughters at the school and the many opportunities for parental involvement, I felt Family School was my second home for those 18 months. Every visit left me feeling that my daughters we receiving the best possible support, care, love and guidance available anywhere. On top of that, they received an excellent high school education.
My gratitude for the Family School is immense. I am an attorney and dedicated mom who left no stone unturned in trying to find the best therapeutic program anywhere to help my daughters. I searched from Vermont to Hawaii, making personal visits to several schools. No where did I find the unique opportunities offered at the Family School.
The Family School was undoubtedly the best thing I could have done for my daughters, and indeed my family. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and know that the truth will prevail – it always does. I pray that the troubled individuals relentlessly pursuing the anti-Family School campaign will find peace and move on with their lives, rather than remain stuck in their torrent of anger, denial, and confusion.
Peace to all.
Meg Sheehan
February 7, 2010
in Smear
By Kurt Hock
Spectrum analysis really states that all things are possible. This does not have much to do with a right and positive decision, nor a wrong and negative decision at any particular moment in our lives. However, a particularly bad moral decision and a particularly good moral decision have as profound an affect on our lives as an accumulative weigh-in on a person’s good or bad merits. Simply put: our actions dictate where we land on the spectrum between notions and behaviors acquainted with evil and ideas which are divine and as God would have it: loving.
In comes distortion. We are all free to align ourselves with any type of persuasion we want. At this point we have entered the world of malleability. Our culture of capitalism is keenly aware of this state of neediness and is the very reason for media manipulation and the cause for its reprehensibly early start on the collective minds of our nation’s youth. Advertising agents, lobbyists, and politicians are very aware of the powerful force of persuasion. It’s a force prone to distortion. It appeals to our most dangerous vices: vanity, greed, distrust, false righteousness, warped sexuality and false love. Mixed and confused messages are the goal. Distortion creates oceans of space for misguided judgment and, of course, misconstrued truths. The goal is simple: create insecurity and uncertainty.
Keeping our serenity demands we steer clear of these dangerous shoals and to seek in all our affairs the greater “good” and to understand clearly how distortion seeks to consume us.
I have worked at this job, which has transformed into a vocation, for 9 years. I am witness to the miracle of positive change each hour I’m at work. The direction our school has moved since I’ve been here has focused on safety. And daily we assist in the difficult yet extremely rewarding work of helping young people to fulfill their potential while being mindful and very in tune to the raw feelings and stressed emotions of each student. I now work in a very different school then the one I began to work in 9 years ago. And I expect the school nine years from now to be very different from what it is today, because we are always testing and changing.
The distortion is this: The Family Foundation School just is not the place that its detractors say it is. The school runs on a deep level of accountability. The school has and continues to transform itself and to operate at the highest level of professional care for it students and for the community. This school is bound to honesty and carries on, in search of truth, today and everyday.
I definitely do not condone the serious extortion which paints a different picture on the internet. Again, distortion is a tool to create doubt and confusion. God asks that each of us rise above it.
Ripples
