Category Archives: Disinformation

We are being bullied?

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By Jeff Brain

Really?  I had not thought of it that way before.  It’s no secret that The Family Foundation School and the principles for which we stand are “under attack”.  In part by a youth rights advocacy group and in part by a handful of angry, resentful alumni – a minute percentage of the 3,000 young people we have served over the past 30 years.  They do not know how to engage in a civil discourse but rather use slanderous and subversive tactics to intimidate.  Yet, in the way that a bully gets noticed, these few alumni and their minions spread lies, and slander us on the internet.  And in this way, represent a modern age organizational bully.

This was revealed to me this week by a wise, experienced and supportive colleague.  She suggested that I reframe in my mind those who attack us as a bully.  She reasoned that they are engaging in all of the same behaviors as a bully.  In fact, it is likely that if we researched the history, we might find bullying as part of their childhood history.

In this new age of being heard on the internet, bullies have a new tool to try to hurt their victims.  They sound convincing, hiding behind the anonymity of the internet – unable to see their faces, hear them speak and thus see them for who they are.    Our children are at risk in the same way.  There are news reports of kids spreading gossip and rumors about one another on-line.  A recent workshop announcement titled “Cyberbullying” seeks to educate parents and educators on the dangers that lurk on line for their children and students – and how bullies are using the internet.  “Bullying isn’t just in the hallways anymore — it occurs on cell phones, in chat rooms, and on the ‘Net”.

Dealing with bullies remains difficult.  We do not consider ourselves victims.  We believe in who we are and what we do.  We are proud of that – and will stand up for our students and our parents – and they are standing up for us.  We are also not afraid – we trust that as we are guided by God, and by our principles and best practices in the field, we remain an important therapeutic option for families.  We are listening to our students, alumni and parents – who continue to support our mission.

It was helpful however for this colleague to reframe this in terms of bullying.  We help our students learn how to deal with bullies – how to be confident in themselves and their abilities and how to find strength in positive relationships.  My colleague said the following:

“They are not going to impact our programs if we truly are doing what comes from our heart.  They can target anyone they want, and as long as they get attention, they will continue to do so. You do not need to fight for a good reputation when you already have one.  Fighting takes a lot of negative energy and time and wastes your mission at FFS.  However, this is exactly what they want you to do. Most parents I have encountered who have found these negative websites have called and asked about it.  When they trust in the person who is assisting them, that is more powerful that some radical negative comment on a website. It is not difficult to represent your client when you stand in integrity. So, what can be done? you ask. Every time you go to their site, they know, and every time you mention them, someone will go to their site, even if out of curiosity, and that gives them more of what they want.  Not every student in every program is going to leave happy.  There is just too much tied to each child, family, situation, that you have no control over, and is not your responsibility. So the unhappy people twist their beliefs to feel better.  Again, human nature.  Jeff, you cannot fight human nature.  What to do?  Nothing.  I have a much more important aspect to my life and practice than to give these people any attention at all.”

My colleague is correct – let’s re-focus our energy on our mission of helping teens and their families.  Let’s not give the bully the fight he craves – for his motives are only to harm and come from a place of pain and hurt within himself.  For this reason however, I will continue to pray for our bullies.

CAFETY’s actions undermine their mission and threaten charter

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Brian Lombrowski, president of CAFETY, revealed the duplicitous nature of his organization when he mailed a letter to thousands of residents in our area last fall. Agree or disagree with the mission to expand youth rights, we will always recognize the validity of organizations to champion causes.  This action of waging a smear campaign against those who do not completely agree with them is wrong and outside the activities permissible under the non-profit laws.

The smear letter CAFETY sent claimed The Family Foundation School is under federal investigation. This is untrue. This intentional attempt to create a negative image of FFS within our community based on a fabrication is an act that each member of the board of directors of CAFETY is personally accountable for based on their non-profit status and the laws that govern CAFETY’s activities.

The letter then crafted snippets of “testimonies” Lombrowski has collected that highlighted FFS staff members by name in an unfavorable light. The effect of such actions is notable and more than a little bit ironic. Staff members received death threats citing the letter.  The actions of an organization committed to the ethical treatment of youth also led to the children of these staff members becoming targets of ridicule in their own public school classrooms.

Another tangential question gets raised and this relates to CAFETY’s active pursuit of gathering testimonies from program participants. Does such an activity further the mission of the organization or is it driven by the need to find more ammunition for the smear campaign? True to their mission they have been supporting legislation in Washington.  While CAFETY is clearly becoming impatient with politics in Washington, we are noticing CAFETY’s mission creep.  They are now taking it upon themselves to declare war on programs that they have publicly listed.  This is more than questionable from a non-profit governance angle.  The government does not allow for tax deductible donations to be used to incite death threats, to republish slanderous accusations, or to commit acts of defamation.

Brian Lombrowski closed his letter, a duplicate of the ad he ran the year before in our local newspaper, asking people to contact him. Notably, some four months later, while still celebrating on Wikipedia their action of mailing these letters, CAFETY has not been able to share the results of generating any public feedback they supposedly were seeking. The silence on their part regarding lack of evidence is telling, but to admit to that does not fit their agenda.

Non-profit organizations are granted the ability to solicit tax-deductible donations for the furthering of their stated missions. The legal counsel guiding CAFETY will recognize the legitimacy of the concerns raised here and well as the vulnerability of the board members and their personal assets as the result of such actions. The concern extends also to Mr. Lombrowski’s actions contacting professionals in our field and making the claim that The Family Foundation School is beyond help. An amazing claim from someone who has never visited, indeed declined the invitation to visit, the very program he is condemning.

It was an interesting thing to have been the first organization to call out CAFETY on their questionable activities. While visiting with colleagues last week at a conference we received overwhelming support.  Even more notable we received grateful feedback from the other programs that are being treated in similar ways by CAFETY.